Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Blue Winter, or if you want to be happy for the rest of your life...
I'm sick to death of all this winter. Here's a sketch.
It's becoming very obvious to me that I can't live here in Idaho. I'm going to freeze to death, and the lack of sunlight is drilling into my very self. My blogging has, as you can see, suffered. I'm still working on art, I've not completely been swallowed up in this white pit of cold. I almost hit it off with a girl over the holidays. Perhaps I'm still stinging over that. More likely, it's a cruel combination of the short days, cold nights of an Idaho winter; and this recent repetition of the most loathed theme of my life.
I've also discovered, to my horror, that everyone in the town of Rexburg knows of a woman who would be perfect for me to date. While I'm up for any amount of fun that can be had; the stipulations, expectations, and lists of flaws that accompany these offers are more than a little sickening. I feel the culture is somewhat to blame. Young women with interests in long term relationships are sent off to a meat market, where they are sorted rapidly into The married, and The single. The problem comes, in the grain that falls through this battery of filters is far to fine for the gauge of my mesh. Or I through theirs.
This is where my brother tells me I've been listening to too much Denis Miller.
If I were to simplify, the issue is simple. I didn't date ugly girls when I was 20, why should I now that I'm 30? That's putting it bluntly, but the fact remains that I wanted to be able to paint my wife and not have it curdle the canvas. I suppose that it’s not a new desire that I alone possess. But it’s not one that I’m going to abandon just because I’m not 22 anymore. Here fortune favors me, because the first and second round of young divorcees are showing up. Many of them, it seems, are wiser and more discerning than they were in their relative youth. I can’t tell if this is a good thing or not.
So, to sum up. No one reads blogs anymore. I can't put a wall of text this size on face book, because of the character limit. And, those who would disagree with anything I said here won't read far enough down to get to the pointy parts.
Although... and this gives me hope. I'm still drawing smiles on the faces of the girls I sketch. I've had my good and bad, to be sure. But I do believe that there are better days ahead. I'm more amused by my catch 22 I've found myself in, than crushed by despair. The portfolio marches on, I'm doing a small amount of commercial artwork. I've taken more small steps than I've given myself credit for. And yes, winter is beginning to end here.
I hope you do appreciate these posts. I read back on this and it seems to me more like a rant than anything constructive. I value the opportunity to give you all a glimpse into the inner workings of my mind, however twisted. If you do take one thing home from this, please: Give the Blind dates a rest!